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I Am a Gay Man And I’m Tired of Dating Apps

Opinions Nelson Graves — Published February 7, 3 minutes. Coming from small-town Arkansas, the abundance of queerness in Montreal was a joy, albeit overwhelming at times. Being thrown into a sea of jargon and tacit rules on these apps was enough to make me delete them. But like many others, I always came back. As a cis gay man, using these apps has allowed me to reflect on my relationship with my community. However, they have also revealed to me the way cis men like myself can often interact with other members of the queer community negatively. While some may call me a self-hating gay for criticizing some of these problematic behaviours, we need to acknowledge that the fight for queer liberation is often sidetracked by cis gay typically white men without much critical insight. This lack of insight stems from our proximity to heteropatriarchal structures, leading many gay men to see their queerness less as a part of a larger community and more an individual peculiarity. For example, we could look at the case of marriage equality.

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