Lucy
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LoginIf this describes the majority of your romantic life, I want you to open up your mind a little and start looking at things a little differently from now on. First, consider this: everyone wants a perfect partner, but few people want to be the perfect partner. For years, I probably obsessed a little too much over this part of my life. But after stumbling through one unhealthy relationship after another , I learned a very important lesson: the best way to find an amazing person is to become an amazing person. Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself. Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy. Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself , that is needy.
From Bumble to Tinder, Mutual and Hinge, each dating app boasts of love and excitement. But their effects can be diverse — some users leave with a relationship, while others end up with the emotional weight of loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem, body insecurity and depression. I dabbled in dating apps when I turned I painfully scoured each photo I put on a profile, wondering if my eye was too squinty, if my smile might be crooked, if that shadow on my face made my skin look bad. I went on dates — bad dates with uncomfortable people, better dates with people who made me laugh, cringy dates that should have ended quickly but somehow stretched on for hours. But my primary emotion was not excitement or connection or love. I felt stressed — like I had to prove myself in some speed round get-to-know-you before they swiped on the next person in line.
Few, however, have been as significant as the way that online dating has changed. I watched major dating sites become infested with zombie accounts and new ones populated entirely with fake profiles and bots. Tinder may have helped bring online dating into the mainstream, it also changed the game.
When using online dating platforms, do you ever get the feeling you're swiping and getting matches, but the men you match with never bother to message you? If this sounds relatable, you've already likely asked yourself whether, as a woman, you should ever message men first to get the ball rolling. If you're like me and had a traditional upbringing, you might hear your parents' voices in your head, saying, "No, let him pursue you! Back in my parents' day, that might've been the case. But, thanks to Bumble, a dating app designed so women must message men first to start a conversation, times have changed.
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6/28/2024
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